Tuesday, March 31, 2009

10 Complaints About The Farmers Market

1. A woman ahead of me in line, wearing tight yoga pants and Prada sunglasses fondles a one dollar tangerine and asks "what varietal is this?".

2. Twenty five people wait in line for a two dollar cup of coffee. (And you ask why we are a nation of debtors?)

3. It is not hard to find a loaf of bread for six dollars.

4. Half the people are eating from prepared food stands like crepes or Thai- wasn't the point of this to cook affordable and seasonal food at home with our friends and families?

5. Damn, I missed the "cosmetically challenged" box of apples, SHIT! I coulda saved like two dollars. Too late now.

6. Customers 95.3% white and upwardly mobile or bearded (both sexes) and totally off grid.

7. I'm broke and can't afford a three dollar fruit turnover from Frog Hollow.

8. The Hog Island oyster guy has no cocktail sauce or limes anywhere in sight (oysters the one thing better to eat on the street- see Montclair farmers market in Oakland for that.)

9. Girl with tattooed arm bands and dark curly hair way too hot to see this early in the morning, I look like fuckin' boxcar Joe right now and I have no game- SHIT.

10. I can't think of a tenth. If you can, let me know.

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